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Oh Dear, don´t you cry

How to survive a breakup

The breakups… 

First of all, if you are going through one right now – I’m sorry. The truth is, no matter the reasons – breaking up always hurts. A romantic relationship is truly the most intensive, intimate kind of connection we experience in our life. Being in love, is one of the limitless heights one can experience. It is proven, that going through a breakup does the same thing to your body as rehab from drug addiction, activating part of the brain associated with addiction cravings. The emotional pain also triggers the same pathways in the brain as physical pain… The rough and honest truth is, there is no magic pill to escape that hurt. However, there are certainly ways to go through that process as smooth as possible! 

"find a boy
who smears
your lipstick
not your mascara."

Don´t try to escape the pain

Realizing that may be the most important, and surprisingly, the most relieving thing.  When we are confronted with pain, we try to escape it at all means. However, escaping pain only causes more of it and oftentimes leads to a series of bad decisions. Instead, it is time to dive right into that pain. Accept it and let it in. You are in a dark place right now and that is totally fine. You are alive and that pain is a part of it. That pain is your best friend for the moment, not your enemy. Embrace it and allow yourself to feel everything you are feeling right now.

If you are not able to work or to interact with people – don´t do it. Take time and stay home. Take that time for yourself. There is nothing you need to do. There is nothing you are missing out on. For now, just stay in bed, cry it all out and sleep as much as you need! 

Write 

Take a piece of paper and a pen. Now there is something that you will have to do and that part is important - start writing. It does not matter where you start and there is no structure you need to follow. Just start writing down everything that is going through your head right now. Write about your feelings and think about your ex. If you feel hate, anger, disappointment – describe it as it is.  Continue writing until your head is empty and there is nothing to add anymore. Maybe you will even need a couple of days for it– take that time.  As soon as a thought is written down – it is not occupying space in your head anymore and in that way, you are literally freeing yourself from that burden and gaining clarity. By the way, don’t worry about forgiveness at that point, you will feel it later. 

Connect with loved once

You might not be able to be with the person you wish to be with right now, but being around your friends and family will fill the human need for connection and bring that much needed oxytocin boost. It Is time for those real friends, who will come over with food, give you comfort and sit around and cry together. Go for a walk or watch your favorite movie. Humor is a must as laughing is still the best medicine at all times! 

Keep your distance – don’t stalk!

If you still feel the need to follow your ex on social media then block him right right away! Everywhere– Instagram, Facebook, WhatsApp etc. For a while, you need to go on cold turkey. Remember, just like a rehab from the drugs! You have to free yourself from any temptations to constantly stalk, wait for a message or call. You can, of course, break up in a good way but still: a little distance is important. Everything else shows up when time is right!

One day at a time

Plan from day to day. Don´t think too far ahead. You have already imagined your entire future together with that person. And re-imagining that will take time. You will realize, that it is in your hand to create a happy future for yourself without your ex. For now, just live that one day. You can deal with tomorrow when tomorrow comes. Simply take one little step at a time and it will get easier. Promised. 

"There is
a blessing
in the storm."

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